In Despair

IN DESPAIR

He lost him completely.
And now he seeks on the lips
of each new lover his lips;
in the union with each new lover
he seeks to deceive himself
that it’s the same youth,
that he’s surrendering to him.
He lost him completely,
as though he never existed.
For he wanted - the youth said -
he wanted to save himself
from the tainted, unwholesome pleasure;
from the tainted, shameful pleasure.
There was still time - so he said -
to save himself.
He lost him completely,
as though he never existed.
Through imagination, through delusions
on the lips of other youths he seeks his lips;
trying to feel his passionate love once more.

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